i am so sorry i haven’t posted in a while!!! i think the first time i didn’t post i was preparing to leave for my spring break trip, and then the next week was my spring break trip, and then the next next week was the hectic week after my trip, and now here i am with a series of neglected blog posts and a bundle of excuses HAHA
i could go on and on about my trip, but in short our trip focus was rural poverty and we were in southwest virginia. honestly, it was amazing. not only was the service fun, but i also felt like i learned a lot and come back to athens with 17 new friends 🙂 but really our trip got so close and i feel comfortable approaching all of my trip friends with anything. plus we talked a lot about identity and experiences that have formed us so now they know too much about me to back out lol
overall, life is pretty solid- i’ve really even enjoying all the service stuff i’ve been doing and my grades have been pretty good too! i got a 102 on my religion test, so catholic school payed off haha! i’ve been sleeping more lately though and i think it’s bc i feel so busy all the time, but i personally like being busy bc it makes me more productive and forces me to manage my time better
today i felt a little funny idk why. i don’t really know how to describe it except that i just felt off and a little sad. however, it’s not that bad because i’m doing this new thing where i actually acknowledge my feelings (like literally say them in my mind) rather than burying them, which, to no surprise, actually helps a lot. i think it’s just this feeling i get every once in a while where i feel like everyone needs something from me but like i need to just be by myself for a bit and i just need time to not feel like i need to measure up to everyone’s expectations. i know it’s silly, and that the pressure is all in my head, but sometimes being everyone’s listening ear is a little rough. don’t get me wrong, like i love being there for people and listening to them so much that i legit want to make a living off of it and i in general just absolutely love people, but sometimes idk. i think carrying a lot of other burdens leaves less energy to carry my own. i guess i wish i felt the same love i give out? ugh thats so cheesy and i really hope that doesn’t sound selfish. there are a lot of people who do that for me. and in all honesty when i’m trying to be a good friend i never expect anything in return, i do it because i want to be that person for people and i want to make them feel better, but i think sometimes i give too much of myself to other people. i realize that was all very rambly and vague but i think that today specifically (this is not an everyday thing) i am just kind of tired of being around strangers and wish i could just be around people who know me. in short i am kinda sad and i want to be alone but everything will be fine by tomorrow
that was a lot haha
but i appreciate you all reading it
i am not good at expressing negative feelings haha
but really everything is ok, i think i’m just in a funk where i’m feeling especially silly and emotional. but it’ll pass. i think i just need some rest.
but good things that have happened
- the weather was very warm today
- i had a milkshake from chick-fil-a
- i realized that the tate student center feels like a second home
- my mom sent me a package with a brownie and some more of the eyeliner i like
- i am now in my bed, having finished my work due tomorrow, relishing my alone time
- it rained really hard today, and that’s pretty cool!
missing you gals always,